I had nightmares about my encounter with this boy, night after night. What if I hadn’t pushed him off of me? I knew exactly what would’ve happened and the thought pierced through me. I saw him everywhere. I tried my hardest to avoid eye contact with him, even weeks after the incident. But he made that impossible when he approached me after class. “Can we talk?” The voice in my head denied him. I had so much guilt about what happened and I didn’t know why. So I felt like I had no choice but to meet him after school.
The grass was itchy. The sun beamed against my dry, pale skin. My stomach ached for food. And I kept reminding myself of the load of homework waiting in my back pack. But there we were, back to our old days. We sat in complete silence for which seemed like hours. I refused to be the first one to speak, and waiting so long pushed me to doze off. Again, my body was no longer mine. Please don’t do this. Stop. Stop. STOP!!! I shouted until I lost my voice. But my mouth wasn’t opening and I couldn’t gather the words. In my head, however, I had all the right ideas.
His hot breath was sickening. His grasp became stronger and I instantly lost the fight in me. I heard kids from school practicing in the field next to us. But the trees hovered over and created a dark shade. The bees were buzzing and the ants explored my legs. Whatever sanity I had left in me was being taken. And all I could do was just let myself go.
No. Don’t let him do this. Get up. Scream. Run!!
I stopped his hands from taking advantage and got up as quickly as I could. “Just let me explain…,” he begged. But the disgust I felt for him was overwhelming. This was the last straw. I let this happen not once, but twice. I wasn’t going to let him make me feel worthless. And this just proved how much of a low life he really was. Desperate. Controlling. Everything I didn’t want to be involved in.
He made it hard to trust anyone. I fell back into my deep shell and wanted to be buried far into the ground. But in the end, I came out on top. I felt stronger than ever and ready to face the world. I knew what to NOT let happen and how to handle it. I watched for unusual signs I didn’t notice before. And because of him, I became a better writer. I had so many things to say after ending our friendship. I even published poems and short stories in school.
But most importantly, I grew as a person. What didn’t kill me made me 1000x stronger.