Don’t Say a Word

In a large field with an open opportunity to run, my body froze completely. I watched as this unknown shadow approached me. My breathing became unmanageable. The music playing from my iPod was just background noise at this point. I thought about running away as fast as I could. But the fear of what he would do to me made me feel like a statue. I lost all ability to move.. to speak.. to show any emotion. 

And that’s exactly what he wanted. “Don’t say a word”, he muttered. I couldn’t recognize his voice. It was deep yet calm. His black hoodie fell over his face. But I wasn’t completely sure if I wanted to know who was about to change my life. He pressed his fingertips along my eye lids, signaling that it would probably be best if they stayed shut. I pictured the moon shining bright as if it were daytime. I almost wish it were because then I wouldn’t have been there in his presence. All I could think about at that moment was what stood out to me the most. What could I use to identify this monster when the time was right? But I had nothing. His dark skin blended with the sky above me. And his clothing looked like he knew what he was in search for that night. His intentions were to blend in. And that, he did. 

Two minutes was all he needed to feel good about himself. But for me it felt like hours. I knew he was expecting me to put up a fight. But for the first time in a while, I didn’t have it in me. Why was this happening? What did I do to deserve this? Those questions repeated in my head until he loosened his grip. I thought he would get up and run. Instead, he nonchalantly straightened out his clothes and disappeared into the night. I still couldn’t move. From the corner of my eye I saw someone get into their car and drive off. I saw another couple walking their dog and thought, did you just watch that happen? But I couldn’t be angry at them. I was angry with myself, not even with the guy who just ripped my soul from my body. 

As I prepared myself to get up and walk away from the scene, what did I see? Those flashing lights… just minutes after I was taken advantage of. I bursted into tears. I felt like the world was just taken away right underneath my feet. There was no going up from here. Everything around me came crashing down into pieces that couldn’t be saved. I was a new me. 

So there I went. I dragged whatever I had left of me out of the field that would forever bring back memories. A place that I called home. A place I threw the ball back and forth with my sister while my dog ran around. Would I ever see this person again? Not only that, but would I even recognize him? I wouldn’t, but he would notice me. And that’s okay. 

If I have ever crossed ways with you from that moment until now, I thank you. Thank you for changing me, for the better. I know you don’t understand that now… but you will. 

Just you wait. 

Photo cred: @tonesnaps


1 thought on “Don’t Say a Word”

  1. The strength you find within yourself is so admiring Courtney! My soul aches & my heart is in pieces , but doing what you are doing here will give someone else the courage & strength to move on. You are unique in every way ! I am so proud of you & I love you so very much. ALWAYS !!


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