Intimidation

What’s the first thing you think of when you hear someone is being abused? Fists are flying, bruises are present, words are said that are meant to hit hard. But do you think past the physical aspect? Do you need the scratches and bruises as proof that there is abuse within the relationship? It is so much more than you think it is. I didn’t come to this realization until I went through it myself. There was so much to know and learn, but I picked up on it quickly. Once I was in, that was it. I had a long road ahead of me. 

Every relationship starts off with the cute jealously. You send playful messages talking about how “no one can have you except me” or “he better not look at you again.” But you don’t think of it as anything more than aw, he really does like me. At some point those messages become more violent and threatening. Why was I still confusing his obsession with the jealousy I once thought was cute? Of course, he wanted me to himself. But the thought of me even having a conversation with another man boiled his blood. He wasn’t afraid to show his jealous ways in public, either. When I was approached by a friend or co-worker about why he acted the way he did, it confused me because I truly thought that’s how men were supposed to be with their girlfriends. He was protecting me, wasn’t he? 

His obsession became ugly. He was dangerous. I had to watch my own back even when I thought he was sheltering me from all the negativity. But the truth was that he was out to get everyone. He waited for me to show a moment of weakness like it was his job. He would set me up in situations with other men just to see how I would react. But I knew him a little better than he even realized. When he tried sneaking up on me at work, I already expected his presence. The fake social media accounts he made to catch me in a lie were ignored. I knew all of his games, and I was a master at them. You would think that after all of this I would’ve put an end to it right away, but this was only the beginning. I was controlled both mentally and emotionally, and he got away with it like murder. 

My personality was being abused. I was becoming numb to the fact that he made most decisions for me. All of this just became… normal. I no longer questioned why he accused me of cheating every second of the day. I stopped hesitating to answer his questions like I was his pet taking orders. I started walking with my head down because I was ashamed of what I was allowing. The stories I had to constantly make up exhausted me. I couldn’t show even the slightest negative emotion if we were around other people. He was in full control over me and I just accepted it. This was my new life and boy, was I in for a ride.

At this point there was no physical abuse. But the pain I felt within my body was unbearable. I was so unhappy and it felt like everything I had just worked up to be was ripped away. I never thought in a million years that I would be one to suffer from abuse. I was always that ‘tough chick’ that people stayed away from. But his concerns quickly turned into obsessions. His love was outshined by his awful actions. And there I was letting it happen… over and over and over again. 

If you are reading this and thinking how familiar it all sounds, you are facing a problem that needs to be fixed right away. Emotional/mental abuse goes hand in hand with physical abuse. If it’s not happening right now, it almost definitley ends up reaching the peak of the mountain that you don’t want it to reach. End your pain, now. You deserve so much better and shouldn’t be convinced otherwise. There IS someone else out there waiting to shower you with love and kindness. But it’s up to you to put a stop to the guilt, the accusations, and the tears. 

And let me be the first to say, you’re ready. Don’t wait until tomorrow, or the next day, or the Monday that you decide to start working out again. 

“I deserve better. I don’t need or want you in my life anymore.” Can I be happy now?

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33 thoughts on “Intimidation”

  1. I’m so sorry that you were treated like this, it’s a horrible type of relationship to be in. Thankyou for sharing this thought it will be helpful to others and may even help someone identify a relationship that isn’t right x

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  2. You are definitely very strong to be posting this, and I really hope someone who needs it will read it! Definitely continue to be a voice, a supporter, and a friend for those in this same situation! 🙂

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  3. Your post really struck a chord with me. I suffered the same but you never see it until you’re out of the relationship.

    The type of personality associated with this is usually narcissistic people who use a form of emotional abuse known as gaslighting. They drive you to a point where you believe absolutely everything they say, and every lie they feed you.

    It’s taken me years to undo the damage that has been done.

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    1. Yes!! It was horrible. I started believing him when he would tell me I was lying. I started questioning myself in everything I did even when I knew I wasn’t doing anything wrong. It’s mind boggling. I’m sorry you had to go through something similar. It took me 6 years to finally see what I was going through was something I needed to get out of, so I completely understand.

      Lots of hugs!!

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      1. 7 years here. He got me to the point where I believed I was worthless and beneath him. That if something went wrong it was my fault and he would twist it so I would eventually apologise to him even though I hadn’t done a thing. It’s a horrible method of control. The worst part is how they appear to the rest of the world, as if butter wouldn’t melt.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I know exactly what you mean. I’m so glad you realize this now, and hopefully you’ve moved onto bigger and better things. I’m always here if you want to talk. I’m an open book!

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      3. I’m remarried now took about two years to fully trust my husband enough to let him in completely. I laid down the law with him, told him all about it and he accepted me for who I am. The same applies to you x

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      4. That’s great, I’m so happy for you. I’ve learned that writing/talking about it has fully allowed me to move on and learn. I know so much about myself that I wish I knew then. But I wouldn’t change what I’ve been through.. because I wouldn’t be who I am today.

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      5. That’s exactly how I feel. I wouldn’t be as strong as I am today if I hadn’t gone through the experience I went through. I wrote down my thoughts and feelings in the aftermath but never shared them, and only a few know the ins and outs of what happened.

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      6. Same here! It was up until just recently when I started my blog.. I let everything out. I just started talking about my abusive relationship. But everything before hand was a shock to everyone. But this is helping me grow and hopefully helps all of my readers as well.

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      7. Awareness is definitely something that is needed on this subject. I shared a few things about it on my personal Facebook from groups actually designed to help recovery from this sort of abuse, and had a few people going this is raising a fair few flags.

        Liked by 1 person

      8. I agree. Anytime you feel like you need a release, you can always email/message me. I have a Facebook page as well. You’ll see it on my blog. I’m always here to help raise that awareness needed.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. It’s believed that sometimes the wounds from emotional abuse cut deeper than the physical ones. I’m so glad you were able to get out of a negative situation. I experienced something similar with a guy. Even though he wasn’t in my life for very long, the pain is still there and my guards are up.

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