Missing piece

The love we grew between us surely died. My mind constantly lost focus when all he wanted to do was continue to create memories. The many times I threatened to leave him were taken back because he begged me to stay. But why? What purpose was I serving in his life? I was a maid, a punching bag, a lover, a fighter. I expected an awful outcome when a sudden twist was thrown our way. The rollercoaster ride I was forced to stay on threw obstacles at me that I wasn’t so sure I could handle. But here I am… here I am telling you how I gained the strength to make it out alive. 

I was bullied into thinking that he was the only one who would ever want me. Because of this, I didn’t even feel the need to attempt my escape. I intimidated him often, but did I really mean what I said? I wanted so bad to be free of the neglect and discipline. I frequently grew angry with myself for the amount of time I wasted to be treated this way. I was at the bottom of the food chain with no possibility of gaining the respect I deserved. 

I don’t want to be with you anymore.” My heart dropped each time those words fell from my lips. How was I going to pull through without him? Was the impossible actually possible?

The attachment I felt toward him was unusual. Without his commands I felt apprehensive. There were many times I sat waiting to see his approval pop up on the screen. If I were on call at work and they needed me, I had to ask him if I could cover the shift. Study groups, lunch dates? Not allowed. Things that a normal teenager should not need permission for… they were all out of the question. Most of the time I already knew what his answer would be. But I just hoped that somehow he woke up a different person and saw the light trying to beam through the clouds. We both needed some sun. We needed closure that without one another, life would go on and we’d be just fine. 

I found my backbone hidden under a pile of rocks, something I had been psychotically searching for. The only thing I had left to do was to put it in place. Without it, it was difficult for me to stand up for myself. I could hardly look into his eyes long enough without feeling my head reaching for the floor. I had no confidence, no desire to put myself in a better situation. But when I found the missing piece to the puzzle, I finally started to feel whole again. It became certain that my future would not suffer from this tragedy. I was ready to be ME. 


When will it be your turn to walk away? Take the chance to see what’s behind door number two. Let me be the first to tell you that if you don’t leave now, it’ll only get harder to leave later. This tornado has sucked you in far enough… it’s time to find your path and live a better future. 

If you feel any inspiration, let it be because you know I survived. You can be in my shoes, too. That time starts now. 

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42 thoughts on “Missing piece”

  1. Thankyou for sharing this, I can’t imagine how awful it is to have someone make you feel this way, you are so strong x

    Kayleigh Zara 🌿www.kayleighzaraa.com

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  2. Thank you for sharing. I have been there and left as well. Good on you! I wish you luck and happiness.

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  3. This is beautifully written, yet so bittersweet. I understand being in a situation that you do not want to be in anymore. It takes a strong person to think for themselves and do what’s best for them.

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  4. Wow, This must have been hard for you to write although in a strange way … liberating. I am so sorry for you and any other human that has to endure this kind of torture from another human. I too have been in these shoes and getting out of the relationship was by far one of the hardest things I ever had to do in my life BUT I would NOT ever change my decision if I had to do it over. I look at my life now and feel so blessed to be in a healthy relationship with a man who would do anything for me and treats me as his queen! It is truly scary when I think what my life would have turned out to be had I stayed in that abusive relationship! Again, thank you for sharing 😘

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    1. Yes, it was so difficult BUT I’m so glad to be out of it! And I’m so happy for you as well. No one deserves that kind of treatment. Thanks so much for taking the time to read this!

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  5. I was in an abusive relationship as a teenager too. I stayed four years. It’s hard to get people to understand why…it’s so complex. He’s back in my life now, or trying to get back in, even though I’m married and still have a restraining order against him. Why are there such terrible people in this world?

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    1. I’m sorry to hear that. You would think that seeing you in a happy relationship would make him realize you’ve had enough. It took me 6 years to get out.. haven’t seen or heard from him since I left. It was time for me to be better!

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