The love we grew between us surely died. My mind constantly lost focus when all he wanted to do was continue to create memories. The many times I threatened to leave him were taken back because he begged me to stay. But why? What purpose was I serving in his life? I was a maid, a punching bag, a lover, a fighter. I expected an awful outcome when a sudden twist was thrown our way. The rollercoaster ride I was forced to stay on threw obstacles at me that I wasn’t so sure I could handle. But here I am… here I am telling you how I gained the strength to make it out alive.
I was bullied into thinking that he was the only one who would ever want me. Because of this, I didn’t even feel the need to attempt my escape. I intimidated him often, but did I really mean what I said? I wanted so bad to be free of the neglect and discipline. I frequently grew angry with myself for the amount of time I wasted to be treated this way. I was at the bottom of the food chain with no possibility of gaining the respect I deserved.
“I don’t want to be with you anymore.” My heart dropped each time those words fell from my lips. How was I going to pull through without him? Was the impossible actually possible?
The attachment I felt toward him was unusual. Without his commands I felt apprehensive. There were many times I sat waiting to see his approval pop up on the screen. If I were on call at work and they needed me, I had to ask him if I could cover the shift. Study groups, lunch dates? Not allowed. Things that a normal teenager should not need permission for… they were all out of the question. Most of the time I already knew what his answer would be. But I just hoped that somehow he woke up a different person and saw the light trying to beam through the clouds. We both needed some sun. We needed closure that without one another, life would go on and we’d be just fine.
I found my backbone hidden under a pile of rocks, something I had been psychotically searching for. The only thing I had left to do was to put it in place. Without it, it was difficult for me to stand up for myself. I could hardly look into his eyes long enough without feeling my head reaching for the floor. I had no confidence, no desire to put myself in a better situation. But when I found the missing piece to the puzzle, I finally started to feel whole again. It became certain that my future would not suffer from this tragedy. I was ready to be ME.
When will it be your turn to walk away? Take the chance to see what’s behind door number two. Let me be the first to tell you that if you don’t leave now, it’ll only get harder to leave later. This tornado has sucked you in far enough… it’s time to find your path and live a better future.
If you feel any inspiration, let it be because you know I survived. You can be in my shoes, too. That time starts now.