New Chapter

My patience grew thin and my energy had vanished. I couldn’t do it anymore, I didn’t want to. All of the memories we had established were being burned and forgotten. I didn’t want anything left behind that would remind me of the pain he created. He still contacted me daily and proved that his mood swings were in full effect. One minute he was hurt yet compassionate for my feelings, and then he grew angry in my decision to walk away. I refused any personal contact with him in fear for my life. But nothing stopped him from showing up to my job or my home, in hopes that we could work things out. I knew that saying all too well. We used it for comfort each time we wanted to go our separate ways. But I wasn’t falling for it this time… there was no turning back.

The two hands that weighed down my chest were finally released after all these years. Yet, I couldn’t help but walk with eyes behind my head and talk like there was a recorder attached to me. I still felt restrained even though the strings were no longer attached. He managed to guilt me into questioning whether I even made the right decision. Could I really live without him? Would I wake up tomorrow and still feel like I don’t need his instructions to start my day? I honestly didn’t know what would be best for me. I wasn’t sure if I would be capable of living a day without him telling me what to do. I was a child being tossed into the real world, not knowing what to expect or how to handle it. This was all new to me. All I had to do was grasp it and stop doubting myself. There was no room for that anymore.

His mother reached out to me when she noticed I stopped coming over. Her words inspired me to move on and do better, to BE better… because that’s what I deserved. She apologized for all that I had been through and for not being the support system that I needed. I looked up to her for having the strength to acknowledge that the relationship with her son wasn’t always peaches and cream. I couldn’t remember the last time I genuinely smiled without stressing that I was revealing the truth. The facts were out, and for once, I was okay with that.

My intentions in opening up about a partnership that went sour are far from what you believe. There are so many couples who are dealing with the same situation, right now. I truly wish that my words are able to push them toward the light. While abuse is not always physical, it often leads to just that. But sometimes the wounds of emotional abuse are deeper than what you’d expect. The lack of power over your own body and decisions is enough to feel worthless. No one deserves to be handled or convinced that they are worth nothing more than the dirt on the ground. It wasn’t a simple task that could be done over night. It took a lot of effort to see something other than how he saw it, and how he wanted me to see it. I finally had my own voice… my own life. I’d be damned if I let this happen to me again.

My life had made a complete turn around. The fresh air traveled through my body and did away with all weaknesses. I had refused any and all commitments thrown my way. I needed time for myself, to learn who I really was without the leash restraining me from taking my first step. But I couldn’t stop myself from falling head over heels for someone… a man who had walked into my life at the most perfect time. I kept reminding myself that I needed a break from the disasters unfolding right in front of me. But the temptation was too hard to resist. 

I fell in love, almost immediately, after saving myself from a time that took over my whole being. But a new chapter had been made, waiting to be read. 

Where was my life headed now?

 

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36 thoughts on “New Chapter”

  1. You are so brave and strong. These situations are tough to get out of, but you did it. You’re inspirational to others in a similar situation.

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  2. Thank you for sharing this deeply personal and inspiring story! Letting go is so hard tbh! And it’s crazy, even if you are physically free from something, the mental chains can still hold you in bondage! You are so strong!

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  3. Wow, you really hit the nail on the head about what it’s like to get out of an abusive relationship. Well-written! Thank you for sharing. It’s important we let our voices be heard ❤

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  4. Way to go mama! Leaving a relationship like that is hard. Super hard! People forget abuse doesn’t always have to be physical. The mind games they will play with you & put you through is exhausting. You really do start questioning yourself & your worth. Thanks for sharing! It’s not easy to open up about these kinds of things.

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  5. You are beyond brave! Not only for stepping away from the relationship, but facing rebuilding your life with a positive outlook! There are always going to be tough scenarios but you’ve obviously got the willpower to beat them! Good luck to you!

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  6. I was getting revved up just reading this because of how inspiring this is! Good for you, you are so amazing and brave!! You deserve good things

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  7. No, I don’t know you. But if I did, I’d give you a huge hug, and tell you how much better you are right from the moment you decided you no longer wanted to be in that. No I don’t believe that it shouldn’t have happened. Because truth is, everything that does, happens for a reason. It strengthens us, in whichever small way it does. It makes us better people no matter where or how different it is the next time around. I’m happy for your next chapter. I appreciate you sharing that. I couldn’t tell you how I envy the way you shared that.. I’m not big on details with relationships. I’m married now, but It was definitely something, I struggled with at first, and still do at times. Hope all is good from here, even with the occasional shit. xo

    Maria H. | https://imommy.co

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    1. That means so much to me! Thank you, Maria. Yes, it happened.. but like you said I am so much stronger coming out of it. If I didn’t go through it I probably wouldn’t be who I am today. Or where I am. So I’m thankful for that. I hope you are well. Don’t ever hesitate to reach out to me!

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  8. I love how you share you story in this way, it’s so hard letting go and moving on to go on to better things x

    Kayleigh Zara 🌿www.kayleighzaraa.com

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