The positive 

The four walls bordered my innocence as I sat on the floor of my bathroom. I unwrapped the plastic from the bright pink box, quietly enough that it wouldn’t be heard from the top of the stairs. I placed the stick on the carpet beneath me and watched it sink between the fluff. My nerves scattered quicker than I could tame and my heart pounded loud enough to hear. I felt like I needed all the time in the world to process the result I was about to see, but the minutes rapidly disappeared. I demanded to know where my future was headed… and I had to be discreet. Out of all the things I’ve ever told my mom, this would not go over as well as I wished it would. 

Pregnant. 

I had never smiled so swiftly. While grabbing my phone to call my boyfriend, I had a million thoughts in my mind racing to be heard first. What was I to do now? 21 years old, working and going to school full time. Was I ready to put my needs behind me, once again? I had always dreamed about becoming a mom but I wasn’t prepared for it to happen so soon. As I anxiously waited to hear his voice on the other end, I rehearsed the way I wanted to break the news. I whispered my way into his mind as the echoes in the bathroom could’ve easily disclosed my secret. His reaction instantly warmed my heart. As the night grew darker, it was time to pick him up from work and I had never been so excited to do so. I put the test in my back pocket and hid the box under my dresser. It would be tucked away until further notice… or really until the morning so I could confirm my happiness. 

He welcomed me with a hug and lifted me far above the ground. We shared an excitement that almost didn’t even seem real. “We’re going to be parents. WE are going to be parents!”, he shouted. Before leaving the parking lot we sat in the car and let the news sink in. The distant crickets were the calm I needed. I drifted off into another dream… I was living the life of a mom. I was made to do this, I just knew I’d have no problem getting over this bump.

Cue the anxiety. 

I dreaded the reactions I’d receive but knew they were coming straight for me. I fastforwarded to the months my stomach would grow and watched the crowd stare at the failure before them. I already had a list of questions ready that my family would bombard us with when least expected. Age, money, time. I had it all covered. As much as I didn’t want to hear it, I knew they were right. But that didn’t overpower my want to bring a child into this world. I fell in love with the new life thrown into my hands. The seed inside me fueled my heart with endless love. I’m going to be a mother, a great one at that. 

As my wings settled and I neared the ground, reality came swinging by. We slowly began publicizing our growing child to those around us. We gained a support system that stood behind our plan from the start. But the future ahead of us was one that we didn’t prepare for… one that I couldn’t prepare for. 

I couldn’t help but stare at the positive on the screen as the days rolled by. I held on as tightly as I could, I didn’t want to lose this high. 

But the high faded, it teased me to no end. 

I’ll take this last test to relive my dream, my dream of becoming a mother. 

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40 thoughts on “The positive ”

  1. Congratulations! Becoming parents is the best thing anyone can experience. I wish you the best of luck and hope everything goes swimmingly well! After reading your post, I’m so excited for you!

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  2. Memories are always good to look back and see how far we have come along on the journey of parenthood. I have not blogged about my reactions to when I gave birth to my daughter or when I found out I was pregnant but those stories always make a great blog post and it even better to show your child what you felt when they are older.

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  3. This made me reflect back on when I found out I was pregnant! That was 12 years ago, but I still remember it like it was yesterday!

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  4. If only you could have seen my face as I reas through this. I had the very mixed emotions that you had. I was not sure where this was heading but oooooo ( exhaled). Congrats to you both and your support system. Having support is so very important theoughout the entire process as you can become an emotional roller coaster. I have been there and have experienced having support and not being supported. You are well on your way. Kisses to thw bundle of joy.

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