Rich with…

To be settled back home was exactly what I needed to start feeling excited about this pregnancy. My family stood behind us with every step, even those that stopped us in our tracks on a stormy day. We turned a basement into our home without a plan of how long we’d be there. It was cozy… for the two of us. But the worry of not providing enough for our child was always a hiccup I couldn’t get rid of. The four walls that closed in on our belongings was once a room that wished for attention. Within a day we rearranged the furniture and crowded the space with permanence… because we had no where else to go, no other place to see.

My father had a job lined up for my boyfriend the day after we moved in. I started sending out applications to places I never thought twice about. Humiliation overwhelmed my body as if I were begging for a job. I didn’t want someone to hire me just because they felt bad for the circumstances I had fallen under. But I knew that most saw right through me, through my tired eyes and growing belly. It took months to adjust to my new life, one that rapidly unfolded before my eyes. I was pregnant with no job, little money. After I received my Associate’s Degree, I discontinued my education and proceeded in my search for work. I could barely handle the change despite how much I wanted it. The mix of emotions bewildered me entirely… it was all coming on too strong.

The fact that I was pregnant wasn’t what had me so worked up. I was well overjoyed with love and found a way to connect with my child no matter the situation. Placing my hand on my belly made me feel like my baby was reaching out for me too. Regardless of how unprepared we were to start a family, I was so prepared to take on the role as a mother. I understood why the heads around me neared the floor, but I refused to give attention to the thought that my child entered my life at the wrong time. No… we weren’t rich, and maybe our savings account was negative at one point. But we were rich with love and more than ready to share that love with someone whom we made.

A place of interest had finally returned my call. I was sent to a region of question… was I required to mention my pregnancy upfront? I didn’t want to lie, but I also wanted the position. I carefully selected a wardrobe that covered my misshaped bump, and hoped that the nausea didn’t completely sway over my face. The exhaustion that prowled around my body made me regret leaving the house in the first place… but I was set on becoming a role model. I wanted my child to be proud of my journey from start to finish. In any event, I pushed through and came out on top. When my anxieties knocked me down, I found a reason to overlook the want to reshape who I turned out to be. My child will see that… he/she will just know.

When I was asked to accept the position, my heart sank. I was dishonest about how long I desired to work as an assistant teacher. While the employment was one my degree compared to, the pregnancy would eventually come to term… and one child would specifically call for my attention. Deciding to play it by ear was something I would’ve never done previous to becoming pregnant. But my goal was to welcome my child into a financially stable home, full of warmth and acceptance.

It was only a matter of time before my belly filled the apron… a matter of time before my anxieties possessed over me as they always knew how.

Cheers to a new passage… a road I’ll go down with no impulse to look behind me.

Advertisements

54 thoughts on “Rich with…”

  1. ” No… we weren’t rich, and maybe our savings account was negative at one point. But we were rich with love and more than ready to share that love with someone whom we made.” – that is my exact situation right now!
    Lovely post as always x

    Like

  2. I love your honesty, changes can be so hard and personally I don’t like changes – I hate not knowing what’s going to happen tomorrow or the day after. I can’t wait to read your next post x

    Like

  3. Great post! I think rich is different for every person and isn’t always about money. Money and things can be gone at the blink of an eye. Love, family, true friends, that’s rich!

    Like

  4. Loving this post! I’m definitely not rich, but rich does not always mean monetary value! I am rich in health, family and life. It’s cheesy but I’m rich in it!

    Like

  5. Congratulations on the new job and path, perhaps it will take you somewhere new 🙂 Good luck with the remainder of your prenancy!

    Like

  6. This was such a great post and one I know a lot of working moms will nod their heads to 🙂 I truly that you’re never really fully prepared for what pregnancy and being a new mom will be like, so there’s no harm in playing things by ear. I feel like that’s all we did between my last month of pregnancy with my oldest until his first birthday when we moved. I went back to work after he and just couldn’t do it because of where I was mentally. I cut back my hours, which wasn’t what I had planned on doing at all, until we were able to move so I could be a SAHM. I felt like I was letting work down, but I needed my sanity more in order to be a better mom.

    Like

    1. Yes! As a mom now it’s so important for me to be mentally healthy so that I can always be the best mom I know how to be. That’s something I had to learn over my time of transitioning into motherhood!

      Like

  7. Thank you very much for sharing your story! wish you all the best 😀 I’ll keep an eye to read your next blog post!
    xoxo,
    Pilar

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s