The four walls bordered my innocence as I sat on the floor of my bathroom. I unwrapped the plastic from the bright pink box, quietly enough that it wouldn’t be heard from the top of the stairs. I placed the stick on the carpet beneath me and watched it sink between the fluff. My nerves scattered quicker than I could tame and my heart pounded loud enough to hear. I felt like I needed all the time in the world to process the result I was about to see, but the minutes rapidly disappeared. I demanded to know where my future was headed… and I had to be discreet. Out of all the things I’ve ever told my mom, this would not go over as well as I wished it would.
I had never smiled so swiftly. While grabbing my phone to call my boyfriend, I had a million thoughts in my mind racing to be heard first. What was I to do now? 21 years old, working and going to school full time. Was I ready to put my needs behind me, once again? I had always dreamed about becoming a mom but I wasn’t prepared for it to happen so soon. As I anxiously waited to hear his voice on the other end, I rehearsed the way I wanted to break the news. I whispered my way into his mind as the echoes in the bathroom could’ve easily disclosed my secret. His reaction instantly warmed my heart. As the night grew darker, it was time to pick him up from work and I had never been so excited to do so. I put the test in my back pocket and hid the box under my dresser. It would be tucked away until further notice… or really until the morning so I could confirm my happiness.
He welcomed me with a hug and lifted me far above the ground. We shared an excitement that almost didn’t even seem real. “We’re going to be parents. WE are going to be parents!”, he shouted. Before leaving the parking lot we sat in the car and let the news sink in. The distant crickets were the calm I needed. I drifted off into another dream… I was living the life of a mom. I was made to do this, I just knew I’d have no problem getting over this bump.
Cue the anxiety.
I dreaded the reactions I’d receive but knew they were coming straight for me. I fastforwarded to the months my stomach would grow and watched the crowd stare at the failure before them. I already had a list of questions ready that my family would bombard us with when least expected. Age, money, time. I had it all covered. As much as I didn’t want to hear it, I knew they were right. But that didn’t overpower my want to bring a child into this world. I fell in love with the new life thrown into my hands. The seed inside me fueled my heart with endless love. I’m going to be a mother, a great one at that.
As my wings settled and I neared the ground, reality came swinging by. We slowly began publicizing our growing child to those around us. We gained a support system that stood behind our plan from the start. But the future ahead of us was one that we didn’t prepare for… one that I couldn’t prepare for.
I couldn’t help but stare at the positive on the screen as the days rolled by. I held on as tightly as I could, I didn’t want to lose this high.
But the high faded, it teased me to no end.
I’ll take this last test to relive my dream, my dream of becoming a mother.